Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
