Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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