glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
