so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
