Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
