it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
