Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
