everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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