as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm really busy with my period
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