Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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