Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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