i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
two words: eviction party
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
