So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
