Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
