i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
