Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
