I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
