my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
