I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
