no, he came in my armpit
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
