I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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