i think i have herpe
just one?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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