I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
