I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
