There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
