It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
