look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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