I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
