____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
