do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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