I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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