Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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