so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
