the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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