i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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