Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
