So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
