If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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