i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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