Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
