maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
