do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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