Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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