it hurts more in the daytime
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
