so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
