You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
