You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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