Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
