while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
