Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This is the prime rib incident all over again
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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