my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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